I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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