I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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