I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
