Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
