Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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