I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
