Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
