Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
