I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
