anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
