She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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