Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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