This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
