If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
