I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
