You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize