The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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