Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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