She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
