Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
