Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She bit a glass in half.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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