Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
