I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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