tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
