Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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