I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
