Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize