Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
