This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
