Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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