Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
