they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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