all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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