my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
