nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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