just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
