Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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