therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
