You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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