Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
