Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
