i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
