I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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