How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
