tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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