We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
