angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
