We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
