he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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