Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
