I have demons in me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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