this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
