I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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