I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
