She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
