Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
