once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize