Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
