you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
