I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize