Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
