So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize