you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
